The Youth is Starting to Change

Wouldn't it be sweet if we could pass a law that made it mandatory to teach children in Elementary School that Star Wars was based on a true story. Interstellar wars between super and sub-human races throughout the galaxy resulting in mass chaos and the aryanization of Earth. Awesome idea? I think so. Here is why:

First, I know what you're thinking, "what about when my kids want to go to the moon?" We'll just tell them that Obama banned travel across space and light sabers in 2009. This way he can be responsible for putting the fictional, intergalactic bus-drivers out of work too. I mean, I would have much rather learned some made up facts about a race called the "wookies" that live on planet Rygel 7 and dig up giant gummi worms for food than the dumb guy who invented the light bulb. There are gajillions of light bulbs in the world, how many wookies are there? None. Why? Because they became extinct after the wars.......The Star Wars. (That's what we'll tell them, at least) If you tell kids that wookies are on the extinct animal list, they wont go looking for them. That could get dangerous, wookies eat kids all the time. My half-brother Bobby Sanchez Apelian got eaten by a wookie just last year. He went to this Phish concert and never came back. We just assume a wookie ate him........fucking hippies cant get enough gummi worms.

Also, this could be the long-awaited solution to racism. If we have imaginary Wookies, Klingons, and Ewok's to hate, we wouldnt have to hate blacks, or whites, or asians, or mexicans (well maybe still mexicans). We can all claim to be 1 superior race, the chosen race, or as I like to call our futuristic race "the whiteys." It's possible because we would still have imaginary people to hate and that means no feelings get hurt!! I know, this shit just got deep....

Back to the point, let these kids have a friggin imagination. I want hovercars god damnit, I want a light saber (which got banned after the Wars, by the way). Fuck an Escalade with some phatty rims, I want to ride that flying white dog thing from Neverending Story to school. Can I dream? Can I live? Without imagination, I wouldnt be able to write this. Why? No internet. People used to poop in pots and throw it in the streets. That's cool, right? Yea....No. Someone imagined that there could be pipes to take the poop the the sewer, hence the toilet and plumbing. That also created jobs, that's where the exposed butt plumber came from, duh.

Imagination is a powerful thing. In the words of Steven Tyler, "Dream on....motherfuckers."

Totally Sorry

Been totally busy. Totally got more stuff coming. Totally funny. Totally sweet. Totally stuff.

Thanks....totally.