A Letter to Captain Kirk

Dear Captain Kirk,

I always had a few questions for you that I was never able to ask. Back in 1998, I met you at a Star Wars convention in Dayton, OH, but I couldn't muster up the courage to ask you in person. Hehe, pretty silly, huh? I mean, you're a complete legend. You're the total package; pssh, try not to be intimidated! I must say, I felt a little bit like you felt when you found out that Princess Leia was really your sister and it got a little awkward between the two of you because 4 days earlier you guys had both gotten really drunk on planet Naboo and you two deep space 69'd til' the sun came up. Talk about uncomfortable....

So, I always wondered, did you ever get laid based purely on the fact that you were the captain of the millenium falcon?

Could Chesley Sullenberger do your job?

Even though Spock was merely a Padawan, could he still hook up with human females? or was he more of a sexual outcast forced to make love to Wookie women (yuck!)?

I always pictured Chewbacca as a chronic masturbater? Did you ever walk in on him rubbing one out? Maybe in the bathroom with a centerfold of a teen wolf?

This is more of an opinion thing, but, was it wrong for me to have broken up with my girlfriend because she referred to Dr. Bones as Mr. Bones? The Doc didn't go to 4 extra years of school to be called Mister. No respect, ya know?

Welp, I've gotta go, my friends and I like to play trivia at the local sports bar on Sunday nights, our team is called the "Trek Stars." I don't want to be late.

To infinity and beyond!!!